In my Inbox Today

My 14 year old J-Teen received a reminder that his library books are due soon. I wonder what the FBI would make of this list. I can't be the only one who thinks this is an odd combo.

Due Within 5 Days (10)
Library User/Title/Due Date
J-Teen In search of Schrodinger's cat : quantum physics and reality / Mon, Dec 01
J-Teen Time travel in Einstein's universe : the physical possibilities of travel through time / Mon, Dec 01
J-Teen 145 things to be when you grow up / Fri, Dec 05
J-Teen Calculus / Fri, Dec 05
J-Teen Developing nations / Fri, Dec 05
J-Teen Domestic wiretapping / Fri, Dec 05
J-Teen Endless universe : beyond the Big Bang / Fri, Dec 05
J-Teen Espionage and intelligence / Fri, Dec 05
J-Teen Experiments in space science / Fri, Dec 05
J-Teen The wage gap / Fri, Dec 05

I love the expionage/wiretapping/time travel possiblities. But what's with the cat? And who is Schodinger? Inquiring minds want to know.

Update

1. My dad can talk again. YAY! Still no diagnosis. So my guess? He's been drinking like a fish for fifty years now and it's beginning to catch up with him, the beginning of the prophesied end described by his doctors, his [ex-]wives and his children for years. It's sad. Free agency + Consequences + My dad = Not pretty.

2. This blasted dial-up from H-E-Double-toothpicks! It's worse than no Internet at all. I read a post and try to comment. The connection is gone. Read an urgent email, hit reply. Helllooooo? Gone. Rest assured that I do read your posts even if all of my wise comments disappear into the void before you get read them.

3.Quote of the week: So now that your Internet is gone, do you find yourself reconnecting with your children?

4. Answer of the week: No, but I finally figured out how to play Minesweeper.

5. This Thanksgiving, I thank God for the drop in gas prices. Whew! What a blessing!

This Time I'm Really Going to Do It

Wednesday night I had a dream. OK, this one doesn't require a degree in psychology, but here it is: I dreamed it was New Year's Day and I was at a party. I was gorging on cookies, apologizing to one and all, lamenting my enormous size, and declaring that soon, very, very soon I'd be going on a diet.

Upon awakening, I realized the day had come. Time to bite the bullet and stop chewing the fat. Time for the diet to end all diets.

Day 1.

7 AM--Large glass of water.

{I am never going to eat again. Nothing but water!}
[You can't do that. You'll die. Your body needs protein or it will consume muscle for its needs. The heart is a muscle.]

7:05 AM--Mix unsweetened protein goo, gag it back fast. 100 calories. 20 grams of protein.

[OK, NOW nothing but water until lunch!]
{Man, look at all this zucchini. J-Teen says there's nothing to eat? I'll make him some yummy zucchini. Italian seasoning. Zucchini. Butter. Mm! WHAT!?! It does not taste gross! It's delish! EAT IT!}

7:45 AM--1 cup of sautéed zucchini

[OK, vegetables are good. But no fruit or sugar. Or starches. You can still put yourself in ketosis with a small quantity of veggies.]

8:00 AM--Grocery shopping.
8:40 AM--20 oz. Diet Coke

[Do not eat the bagels. Do not eat the bagels. Do not...OK, you can eat the apple. An apple is OK. Only 80 calories. Lots of fiber.]

8:45 AM--1 small apple

[A bagel wouldn't be that bad. They're pretty low in fats.]
{And cream cheese: a source of calcium. Not a lot of calcium. Better put it on pretty thick.}

9:15--1 bagel, 3 T cream cheese, large glass of water
10:15 am--1 bagel, 3 T cream cheese

[Oh E-Teen is giving you half a buttered bagel. How sweet! Don't offend her. She's going through a sensitive stage.]

10:45--1/2 a buttered bagel
11:00 am--a big glass of water.
12:00 am--1 bagel, 3T cream cheese

[Who are you kidding? Cream cheese is a lousy source of calcium.]

12:15 am--2 cups 100% natural, full fat cream on top maple syrup sweetened yogurt.

[Probiotics are good. You've not had any for quite a while.]

12:20 am--1/2 cup maple yogurt
2:00 pm--1 full-sized bag of Trader Joe's kettle corn

[What?! The kettle corn. That was supposed to be for...]
{Shut up! It's fiber.}
[Well, drink some water. At least you're hydrated. And the caffeine hasn't been too bad.]

2:30 pm Huge glass of water

{Man, I am stinkin' tired. I'm never going to be able to make it.}
[Whu-? Don't you dare!]
{Mind your own business.}

3:30 pm Triple-sized Pomegranate RockStar

{Antioxidants. Do not mess with me. I'll take you down.}
[Fine. Wallow in it, babe. I'm done.]
{Fine.}
[Fine.]
{Whatever.}

4:00 pm 1 1/2 cups pretend cookie dough
{peanut butter = protein; flour = grain; oats = whole grain}
5:00 pm 1 bagel, 3 T cream cheese, 1 large glass skim milk

{How many bagels is this? Eh, whatever.}
{Hm...I'm kind of full.}
{Geesh. My stomach hurts.}

8:00 pm 1 box of black licorice

{Real licorice is so soothing for owie stomachs. I am so glad I know about herbal heath options.}

10:00 pm 1 large glass Hot Chocolate

The thing is...I had the same dream Thursday night, only this time I was taking the cookies out of people's hands and stuffing them in my mouth. Weird, huh? Do you think it could have been the hot chocolate so close to bedtime?

False Alarms

Saturday night, my long lost sister called me to tell me that my dad had a stroke. Apparently our other sister had claimed primary next of kin status and blocked everyone from getting any medical information. So I called Kettering Memorial Hospital far away in the kingdom of Dayton and chatted up my dad. He's got speech issues and was getting frustrated until I reminded him that I've got a two year old and the gift of tongues. Then he chuckled and we muddled through. He wrote a note for the doctors to release his medical info to the kinfolk. As it turns out, the doctors don't really have a clue what's going on. OK. No death. That's good. No diagnosis. Not so good. The treatment plan? Steroids. Speech therapy. Wait and see. It's good to have a plan.

The other false alarm: my home Internet is still down. Not down really. Just so slow that the browser can't even load. Except in the dead of night. So I'm still on a timer which annoys me. I cannot believe how much I do online. My bills. Maps. Comunication for our co-op, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, school and church activities. Idle curiosity satisfaction. TALKING TO GROWN UPS. (Sorry, didn't mean to yell. I'm calm now. Really.) So, so much to fit into a 60 minute computer reservation.

Living in Limbo Land is lovely. Deep sigh. Deep, deep sigh.

I've got 6 minutes on this computer,

and then it will close down on me. So no deep thoughts for tonight. Just a hi and a plea to remember me.

I have got the phone lines working again. Yay! Now I need to install the modem driver that mysteriously deserted my C-drive. We found it running wild on the Internet tonight. So maybe...tomorrow I'll be a real blogger again. Perhaps.

Dang It!

It's not over. People are still waving signs and flipping out about Prop 8 AND my Internet is still down. :( :( :(

BUT I do have a limerick winner. :) My mail carrier, Wendy the Wonderful, has chosen. Melanie J--YOU are the winner of a fine triangular chocolate bar for the delightful limerick:

There once was a cute mommy blogger

With a stroller, Snugli, and jogger

Who let them all rust

Or at least collect dust

She got blog addicted, so let's flog her!

Please email me and I will get you your Toblerone in this calander year!

Also here is a link to Thora's delightful blog. She is the winner of the name that country contest.

Love to you all. I miss you so, but Mr. MEANIE Internet won't let me visit.

WAHOO!

It's over! It's over! It's over! (Well except for the whining and complaining and lawsuits and all that other post-election joy.) Even better news: we have a WINNER.

I know you all love to know the scientific method used to determine my random winner. Well...first I eliminated all of my family members, then I eliminated all those who never actually put the word Switzerland in your entry, then I wrote all of your names down, and THEN I told J-Teen (mathematical genius) to pick a number between one and eleven. He picked TEN...Thora! You are the lucky winner of a lovely Toblerone! Please email me. And I shall send you the glorious prize post haste!

My judge for the limerick contest is still out on the verdict, but SOON we will have the winner of the second Toblerone as well.

[Still no internet, but we've looped a cord out of the window and into the outside phone box and have phone service. You know, right around now the inside wire repair plan looks like it would have been a good choice.]

Toblerone Bars are made in Switzerland

November 4th at 8pm Pacific Time we will have the drawing for the TOBLERONE. So if you haven't entered yet, do so by leaving a comment with the name of the country in which Toblerones are made.

The LIMERICK contest is also coming to an end on the 4th. Go ahead. Enter that one too! Just submit your clean limerick as a comment. You could win a SECOND Toblerone!

[Hint: In order for your entry to be valid, you must have the word Switzerland in your comment. And that is it. I am not giving any more hints. If you can't get it from this hint you must buy your own Toblerone!]

Wow! What a day!

Phone's out. Spent the better part of the afternoon trying to figure out what was wrong with my modem. Answer? Nothing. It's the phone. Dial up, doncha know. I am supposed to be turning in paperwork for $6000 worth of Girl Scout magazine sales. (Yesterday at 5pm) BUT I can't get the printout I need to finish the baby up. I owe the people at council brownies or something. They have been so nice. Nevertheless color me done with fundraisers. Forever.

Dryer's out. And the sun is not. Line drying loses it's attractiveness in the pouring rain.

ANYWAY because apparently I haven't had enough irony today, I'm over at the sister's place using her dryer and her Internet. It's a darn good thing she never reads my blog or I'd be toast. Very crispy toast.

It's kinda sweet how the phone company is so concerned about my situation. They're rushing a technician out Wednesday morning. I think someone rigged it so I can't go online until after the election.

So have fun without me for a bit. TTFN.

A Daily Dose of Irony

I think you may be beginning to understand why I did not want to talk about this. It's like abortion: once I get in the debate, I cannot stop. Here's the latest installment in the disgusting saga of Prop 8.

My sister (who is a rather outspoken person--you might have noticed) just spent a half an hour chewing me out about my stance on Prop 8. Turns out that on her late night walks she's been putting "H"s on people's Yes on 8 lawn signs. "Yes on 8" is hate. H-8. Get it? Everyone who supports 8 is filled with hate. The five Mormons who go the High School where she teaches are silent about it because they would get their @$$ kicked for being so hateful if they made their views known. All attempts to point out that NONE of the people I know who support Prop 8 are hateful fell on deaf ears. To me, most Pro 8 people mostly just seem worried and fearful, not hateful. Most of the Anti 8 folks I know are pretty mellow. Yet there are a few vocal hate-mongers on both sides. "If you don't think as I do, you are hate-filled." rhetoric is almost as appealing as the "If you don't believe as I do, you are going to burn in hell." rhetoric.

Tuesday cannot come soon enough.